Merry Christmas to all...

Hey hey hey!

Merry Christmas! Well, Christmas Eve!

My kidlets have just gone to bed, and I am feeling pretty anxious right now. Tomorrow will be the first year that I haven't spent Christmas day with my kids. I will see them in the morning and then tomorrow night, but during the day, they are going to their dad's house.

I am feeling a little fragile. There have been lots of tears this week... overwhelmed to say the least. On Monday I completed my Diploma, and I was supposed to have a rent inspection on Wednesday, but the agent cancelled - at 8:55am. Far out, the effort I go to for an inspection is always over the top, but the house was freakin immaculate, so when she pulled out at the last minute, I was pissed!

Anyway, the house is clean I guess. I am volunteering at a Homeless Christmas Lunch tomorrow, something I have wanted to do for a really long time, and when it was decided that my kids would be with their dad, it was the perfect time for me to go ahead and make it happen. I needed a reason to drive away from my kids and not cry.

This year has been so dull of challenges, and my kidlets are so beautiful and wonderful and mature about all this 'family' stuff, but I think we are all very aware of the monumental shift that happened in our lived when their father left. It was unexpected and then to have another person thrown into the mix (his girlfriend) so quickly - well, that leaves a certain mark. I don't know what the new year has in store for myself and my babies, but I hope it is better than 2015.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope that you have a beautiful Christmas, and the New Year is filled with lots of love and happiness for all of us. Thank you for reading along throughout the year so far, looking forward to sharing more with you next year.

'Til then...

Planner Playtime!

Hey hey hey!

Hasn't this month just completely flown by! First up, a little disclaimer... I apologise in advance for the quality of my photos - and openly admit that they were taken, tucked away in the laundry on top of the freezer... because that appears to be the best light in my house at the moment.

It is rent inspection week here and I have been running around like a crazy - you know my planner has been getting a workout! I fkn hate rent inspections! After living in the same house for over 7 years, you would think they could reduce the rent inspections - every 3 months seems excessive. The last inspection the lady had nothing to see had even changed, but observantly noticed I had a new kettle.

I thought I would share with you, a couple of spreads from my planner, and I even had a go at making a dashboard this week too :) That was fun... I like laminating lol

Monthly Spread

Weekly Spread

 

Weekly Spread

 

Most recent weekly spread

 

Dashboard :)

The coloured squares are made with scrapping paper, from an older Heidi Swapp Christmas range, and the dashboard - that was a cheeky card I found at Typo. I love that store too, especially at this time of year! Lots of cheeky Christmas shit and even a few bah-humbug pieces for those like myself that would rather sleep on a bed of Lego than handle another Christmas.

I have big plans - hehehehe- for my planner, and how to incorporate it more into our regular lives. I am currently looking for work, hoping to get something that doesnt impact too much on my kids, but I need the variety in my life and the extra money would certainly help with raising these teenagers. Homeschooling is no longer an option for us, so my girl is pretty disappointed, but 2015 bought many changes for all of us. Being on my own, working, studying and all that jazz is going to be full on - its not fair for her if we continue and she isn't getting the best education I can offer her. And if I am honest, I am even kinda looking forward to meeting some new people. Pop in next week and check it out, in the meantime, let me know what you think. I am still pretty new to this and would love some pointers!

6 sleeps til Christmas!

Planner Playtime!

Hey hey hey!

How are you? Been busy? Its been a little chaotic here, school is winding up and it feels like there are a million activities on the go at the moment! So thankful for my MAMBI Create 365 Happy Planner! Isn't she pretty?

I have to say, I love love love that you can remove the pages from these planners! This is a must of you are wanting freedom to decorate, as you then don't need to work around the spine or centre as with most planners. The paper is incredible good quality and I have had a chance to play with some stamps, which I will share in some up-coming posts :) MAMBI have also created some extension packs for the planners, including the Household Extension Page pack, which includes a section for To-Do Lists, Meal Planners, House Cleaning Schedules and Budgets.



There are an incredible amount of accessories available for these planners - MAMBI has really considered the needs of those that need to pretty up their planners. Even if you aren't into
pretty-ing and decorating, the layout in these is perfect for day-to-day planning, with enough space to add in the families activities too!

Do you get creative in your Planner? Do you want to? Leave me some questions in the comments box and I will get back to you! Feel free to share your blog links so I can check out your planner too!

Project MY LIFE MY WAY!

Hey hey hey!

How's life? Has Christmas craziness hit at your place yet? Things are going pretty smoothly here at the moment, though its busy busy while I try and get organised for the school holidays!

This weeks share is a big one about holiday dreaming! Life has been tough for the last few months and while I cant afford holidays right now, its nice to dream! I LOVE the Pink Paislee ranges at the moment and the Atlas range was perfect for a layout like this.

How is Christmas looking for you? You don't think I am going to get a couple of quiet scrapping days, do you? Are you? Let me know!

Christmas dread has hit...

Hey there, thanks for stopping by. 

It's been a long week right? It spins me out the way the weeks fly by and yet somehow it feels like this year has just flown. I can't believe Christmas is just a few weeks away. I know I sound all Grinch like, but I hate Christmas! I don't really know why, and that chances are I perpetuate Christmas disasters with my attitude, but I can't seem to shake it off. I don't actually remember a whole lot of Christmas fun as a kid, and once I became a grown up, I was already a mum. And the best bit, watching my kids open their pressies and playing together and being happy and excited - that bit is freakin awesome. It's the rest of the bullshit I hate. 

You know, catching up with people under strict time restraints, frantically budgeting and adjusting the budget constantly, cooking, dishes dishes, dishes... Yuk! This one is going to be a hard one for me, and I am working harder at it than I ever have before. My kids are going to their dads for Christmas lunch. This will be my first Christmas since being a mum that I haven't been with my kids for the entire day. And that makes me sad. I am trying really hard to be excited for them, but I know they are nervous too. They are meeting my ex's girlfriends family and it is a hard thing to do on a big enough day already. 

I have decided to do something productive with the time away from them, and volunteered at a local soup kitchen to serve Christmas lunch. I truly am so thankful for what I have, the life and lifestyle that I have, my kids, my health, all of it. And I am hoping that doing something great for others while I am away from my kids, will ease the ache a little. 

If you are out there and reading this, and dreading Christmas too... Just know that you aren't alone. It's the loneliness that's holding me back right now, so maybe someone knowing they aren't alone in the way they feel will help them to cope a little better. 

Til next time...

How many times...

Hey there, thanks for stopping by :)

I haven't updated here in a little while, mainly I guess because life has been a giant bucket of turds, but I am still kicking so I guess I am doing okay. Right? How many times... can you just keep pulling yourself back together and soldiering on?

SO much of my life right now is - well, I am struggling a little. A lot. I feel like just when I think the world cant deliver up anymore, here it comes again. Between my ex leaving and having some financial dramas and then the ex having surgery (gall bladder), there hasn't been much breathing room. I feel like I am just trudging along until I make it to the end of each day, and while I am thankful for every day, by the time bedtime rolls around I am definitely ready for it. Then its time to get up and face another day.

My ex's surgery was hard. Its difficult when you have shared so much of your life with someone to know where you stand, especially with his girlfriend right there. Especially when she is 12 years younger than me. Especially when the way they got together was about the most crooked, sneaky, nasty thing they could have done. I don't want to sound like a petulant child, but honestly, I feel like people have conspired against me and stolen my future. Every bit of this life that I thought was concrete, guaranteed, solid... just fell away. I know its not all on her, if he didn't want to leave me he wouldn't have. And if I had been a complete asshole horrible wife, maybe I could have understood a little. I never understood people cheating, but this has just about destroyed me. I am just faking it til I make it these days.

I am trying really hard to be okay and to keep things as cruisy as I can for my kids. The back story with this guy... we met when we were 13 years old. I went home and told my parents I had just met the boy I was going to marry. And though there were some hiccups, we always seemed to come back together. He has been my best friend and my love, for my whole life, since before I knew what love was. And now, he is someone that I don't recognise. The awkwardness is killing me. I am trying really hard for a friendship - and I hope we can make it work for the sake of our kids, but this heartbreak just keeps on giving.

Tonight, one of our bunnies died. Big Boy was a lovely, cuddly, funny boy and I think he died of old age. This is the problem with rescue bunnies, you don't know how old they are when you get them and rabbits don't generally have a very long life span as it is. Cue - devastated little girl! Kiddo is absolutely heartbroken, and honestly, my kids have had enough. This has been such a tough year for them as it is, and this was just the feather in the cap. The kids dad came in and helped to bury him and after surgery there wasn't a whole lot he could do. But my little girl needed her dad and it means so much to me that we can both be there for this stuff. Its just so fucking hard.

I cry a lot these days. Some days I just need to, and if that's what I have to do to make it through, that's what I am going to do. Tonight I am having a little cry for myself, a little cry for a sweet little bunny, and a big cry for my kids. I hope life starts to straighten out for us all a little... I need some smooth sailing for a while. I'll never quit, and never give up, but I could do with some down time.

I hope if you are reading this, your life is going well... and if not, look after you too. Remember it's okay to have a cry. xox

PROJECT MY LIFE

Hey hey hey,

Hope you are having a great week! I have been flat out with study and parenting and all that fun stuff, but I managed to sneak in a little tiny bit of scrapping. People say that divorce and break ups are hard, and I don't know if I was prepared for the emotional upheaval that has happened in the last couple of months, but I am very aware at the moment of my personal dialogue - it took over 5 years of counselling for me to stop saying/thinking that I was 'f*cked in the head' and I refuse to end up back there. So I think it was appropriate to make the first page of my personal album so honest. This album is ultimately a photo based journal right now, and it gives me a place to put some of that emotional shit so that it doesn't just fester inside me.

I completed a cover page of sorts for my album and using some of the gorgeous chipboard elements now available. I love chipboard! I am not a big fan of any crazy bulk in my pocket spreads so chipboards works beautifully.

 

 

The centre card has been left empty purposely, so that I can write a dedication of sorts to myself... or perhaps a disclaimer in case anyone else reads it! Even with as much as I am sharing here, there is still some stuff that just isn't fit for the internet.

 

I think it's hard, when any sort of relationship ends, to not take it personally and find faults in yourself. Right now I really need to focus on being the best mum I can be, and trying to find a way to claw together all the bits that feel messy and scattered inside me. The fact is, the end of my relationship shook who I am as a person, and now I need to get to know who I am again - and I'll touch more on that in another post.

 

I never in a million years thought I would use an enormous photo of myself in a layout, but this photo was taken the first time my kids went to their dad's, and those big sunglasses were my best friend that day! I printed the photo at Big W, just a standard 12x12 print, with 2 photos loaded into the image. Added some text in an app on my phone and I think it came together okay. I wanted to document somehow that at this stage in my life, I feel a little emotionally warped, but that I am not broken and I'll just keep moving. I will share the other side of this layout soon.

Thanks for checking in, feel free to leave comments or questions below, and I will get back to you when I can :)