It's been a long week right? It spins me out the way the weeks fly by and yet somehow it feels like this year has just flown. I can't believe Christmas is just a few weeks away. I know I sound all Grinch like, but I hate Christmas! I don't really know why, and that chances are I perpetuate Christmas disasters with my attitude, but I can't seem to shake it off. I don't actually remember a whole lot of Christmas fun as a kid, and once I became a grown up, I was already a mum. And the best bit, watching my kids open their pressies and playing together and being happy and excited - that bit is freakin awesome. It's the rest of the bullshit I hate.
You know, catching up with people under strict time restraints, frantically budgeting and adjusting the budget constantly, cooking, dishes dishes, dishes... Yuk! This one is going to be a hard one for me, and I am working harder at it than I ever have before. My kids are going to their dads for Christmas lunch. This will be my first Christmas since being a mum that I haven't been with my kids for the entire day. And that makes me sad. I am trying really hard to be excited for them, but I know they are nervous too. They are meeting my ex's girlfriends family and it is a hard thing to do on a big enough day already.
I have decided to do something productive with the time away from them, and volunteered at a local soup kitchen to serve Christmas lunch. I truly am so thankful for what I have, the life and lifestyle that I have, my kids, my health, all of it. And I am hoping that doing something great for others while I am away from my kids, will ease the ache a little.
If you are out there and reading this, and dreading Christmas too... Just know that you aren't alone. It's the loneliness that's holding me back right now, so maybe someone knowing they aren't alone in the way they feel will help them to cope a little better.
Til next time...
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