Tuesday 9 February 2016

Here I go again... on my own!

Hey there...

How's life treating ya? This blog seems to be becoming just a 'ranting bitching purge all the yucky things in my head' spot.

I am a bit lost these days. I don't seem to fit anywhere. That scares me. I am not even sure why, because its not like I have a long history of fitting in or even like I was part of the in crowd in high school. I just seem to be having trouble finding my groove again since being single again I guess. I never realised how much value I put in knowing that I was loved. Or how much sadness and hurt would come with questioning whether or not any of it was ever real. I saw my psych today - the first step in moving forward. When I told her what had happened in the last couple of years, the look on her face was priceless. There has been a whole lot in the last few years and I have spent a lot of time glossing over it all and coping as best as I could. But it hasn't been fun and whilst I have made sure that I stayed on top of how it all was affecting every one else, I didn't do a very good job of taking note of how it was affecting me.

I have a plan in place and the only thing that can stop me making shit happen, is me. I have to do this. I have to remember that valuing me can not come from other peoples opinions. Though I have to admit, support has come from the most unexpected places. People that I thought were friends have vanished and I have been fortunate enough to meet some beautiful people, who don't expect anything from me than just me. I am beyond thankful for those people.

I know now I need to surround myself with good people and unfortunately, that means a few fall from the friend zone into a no-go zone. People that I thought were good and kind turned out to be manipulative and self-centred and its time I stop letting people do that to me.

So if you are reading, forgive me for the lack of creativity here at the moment. I am sure I'll find it again... I just have to spend a little time finding myself first.

'Til next time...